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Life never was billed as a smooth ride. Less than a year ago, I was diagnosed with cancer (wind, sails, none). Prior to that my SO was told his entire division was being let go. (Here’s your hat, there’s the door). Then after a stint in a nursing home, his mom passed away (relief, sadness, travel). See where this is going? Then the day after my first chemo, my company looses a big contract (oh sh&*!). One month into chemo, my company decides its more financially sound to get rid of us (oh sh&*! #2). Barely done with chemo, company lets us go because, and I love this, I am too experienced and make too much money. First maybe true. Second, yeah I call bs. But hey, life goes on.
So I understand that life is not fair and of course, there seems to be little control. But really universe? Who piddled on your post toasties?
One should remember that life is never what we think it is. About to vacation with a bunch of people. Thought it was a small group. But it seems that someone invited a bunch of their friends without asking. So now its a whole lot more and I’m not happy.
Ah to shout in the wilderness and never be heard. Pretty much sums up my life lately. Get up go to work. Work. Work. Work. Come home and get something to eat for us. Get ready for work. Go to sleep. Do it all over again. Not really a bad life. I should be grateful. We have our health. We have jobs. blah blah blah… But after a while it just all makes me very tired.
Guess I’m depressed. Tired to the soul. No excitement. No passion. But I think that’s the fate of every middle aged matron. To be invisible. To hold the world up with the help of the other invisible worker bees. The sad part is I just don’t have the energy to make a change. It would have to be a major leave-them-standing-run-away change for anything to matter. All the little things have added up. They all sound trivial in the midst of the economy, 9/11, war, flooding etc.
I’d like to watch tv with a clear picture and uninterrupted sound. I’d like my SO to cook me a meal instead of saying, “I’ll just have whatever you are having”. I’d like to be noticed, like when over 6″ of hair is cut off and I am suddenly all curly, for someone to notice and say “You got your hair cut”. Silly things.
I’m pretty much a worker bee. No hope of promotions. No hope of anyone noticing and saying hey we need to recognize her for the work she does. You are in charge of your own destiny. Bah. You get to make decisions with what you are presented with. Not suddenly say “hey, I’m a princess and give me a million dollars”. Or for that matter understand the proper use of quotes.
So many promises never met or meant.
Ciao
What is it with people? Don’t they realize that if you are going to discuss your kids, call your credit card company, or yell at your wife that your cube neighbors might not like it? Or, hey here’s a strange concept: YOU ARE AT WORK.
The Yeller. He constantly yells at his computer expecting it to behave. Unnerving in the way his voice is psycho creepy. It makes you think about firearms and people bearing grudges.
The Farter. Yes, Green Cloud Computing at its best. We used to think it was the sewer pipes acting up again. Emails would circulate about the smell and Building Management would investigate. Then one day, we figured it out. It was the Farter.
The Loud Talker delights in letting everyone know his business. Yells at the wife. Tells the HVAC guys how to do their jobs. Talks to his accountant about his other business. Let’s everyone know he knows better. Brews endless cups of coffee on his little coffee brewer (pew). He is one important dude in his own mind.
Sigh… And I worry about the little peeps my computer makes.
Putting the headphones on and cranking to tunes just to survive.
Ciao
Christmas around my house is not always the most fulfilling holiday. Gifts are not thought thru. Often half-assed snippets heard influence gift giving. Things like “it would be great to have a second mixing bowl for the etc etc etc” gets interpreted to “give her a second frying pan”… hmm… that wasn’t the point but maybe a “C” for effort. Often pleas of “I really really don’t want anything for Christmas” are ignored as “oh she really didn’t mean that and I’ll get her something I like”. I shouldn’t complain. I mean he does try hard but just not hard enough.
Spent the day returning stuff. At least, I can now get him to give me the receipts and not pout for a week. The Mall was madness. I took me 45 minutes to find a parking space. Then another 15 minutes to find my way out to the store. Walking through the store reminded me that I was just not dressed appropriately for this store, this mall, this life… The return was painless. 5 minutes in line and shazam, money back in the bank.
Now tomorrow will be the return of yet another half-assed idea gift. Something I already own one of and got a second one. Do you think you could have at least looked on the book shelf? Sigh.. The joys of Christmas after.
Ciao
Thoughts of an Old Fart 