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I think one of the worst things you can do to someone, is make them feel worthless. People are so fast to criticize or add their points that they forget to stop and say thank you.
Life doesn’t often give a person a gold star, but a thanks can sure go a long way to making life a little better. And. It. Costs. You. Nothing.
I now truly understand. I understand fatigue. I understand the doctor’s, “you will know it when it hits”. I understand that you really can’t possibly understand.
I can’t move. I can’t breath. I can’t think. I can’t get out of bed. I can’t even contemplate moving. I have thoughts and plans and desires but can’t seem to… Hours go by.
Its not sleep I need. Its not drugs I need. Its.. well once I figure that out, I will return.
“Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen.” John le Carre, “The Chancellor Who Agreed To Play Spy”, The New York Times, May 8, 1974
I spent the last two days hurtling across the US behind the wheel of a SUV. When I saw this quote, it crystallized the feelings I had been experiencing. Others will never see my worlds. We all are alone in our own space so often that when others bump off of us, it’s a rude awakening. Racing thru the night like a bullet, with only the light of the dash and random songs from the radio as my companion, left me out of sync.
Ciao
Isn’t it funny how the littlest things can trigger a memory? Sitting here sipping soda over crushed ice in one of those metallic cups from old. The frost popping instantly. The coldness shimmering off the sides. The chill running through my teeth.
It reminds me of days spent outside running around during summer vacation. Coming inside all hot and sweaty. The coke tasting exquisitely cold and wonderful sipping from the metal cup.
Ah summer where have you gone?
Ciao
I’m sitting here at work on a Saturday and its my SO’s birthday. And I don’t feel guilty, I actually feel relieved.
It’s become such a pain to get something unique for occasions now. SO has everything wanted and has moved into that range where I wouldn’t even dream of trying to get something for his collections…
Thoughts of an Old Fart 