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I’ve been a little remiss in my thoughts lately. It’s not that I’m not having any, its more attempting to get them out on paper. Someone I know has had major surgery and possibly has the C word. They found a tumor so large that it was just easier to remove a kidney than do anything else.
I’ve been a bit bemused from people’s reactions to the dreaded C-word. Cancer isn’t something you catch. Its something that happens and if gotten to early is something you can recover from. It’s the lump in the breast, the ache in the back, the headaches that wont go away. But when it sneaks up on you, its the most dreaded. Go into the hospital because you’re short of breath and shazaam lung cancer.
When people hear about it, they immediately personalize it. What if it was me? What did the person notice? Did they feel ill? What are their symptoms? How did they discover it? Is it treatable? What if it was me?
Some people can’t even say the word Cancer without freaking. One of my friend’s husband actually asked me not to discuss it with his wife. He said every time she hears about someone with Cancer, he has a very bad night. She seems to have a morbid fascination with Cancer and those who get it. She pulls each story out of the victim and ghoulishly glories in the details.
The older I get the more I realize that every single person is profoundly different in their heads. Mine included.
In a week, we will know.
Ciao
Today is my birthday. Happy Birthday me.
I took off work to celebrate. Got gloomy almost immediately as a crisis at work took the morning and the weather was downright ugly. But as I sat there fighting through the issues, I gazed outside. Even if Mother Nature was pouting, she sure was putting on a show. The fall leaves were in full change. The sky was an angry scudding backdrop while all colors flew by the windows. Acorns pelted off the roof and squirrels were holding on for dear life.
I grabbed my camera and made for the outdoors. I couldn’t capture all the colors that were around me. My hair was flying into the picture. But I didn’t care. The wind was exhilarating. The sky was beautiful. The sun was popping in and out of the cloud cover causing the reds and greens to glow.
Then it dawned on me. I was damn lucky to live where I do. I have a beautiful home on 5 gorgeous wooded acres. The sheer joy of being alive overwhelmed me.
Happy Birthday me.
I’m bummed. No other way to describe it.
Lately I’ve been walking around with that nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I’ve not said anything “right” in days and have been getting weird looks at work. “Change is good”, keeps shouting a voice in my head. Why is change good? Why can’t I go to my favorite restaurant and find my favorite dish? Why can’t I expect Thanksgiving dinner to be the same enjoyable way it has been for the last 5 years? Why can’t my job be challenging and happy like it was last year? Why every time I wonder why, am I listed as a stick in the mud? Ever notice that change is only good to the changer not the changee?
Laundry is calling…
Ciao
First entry.. Thoughts… Nothing profound other than a lack of ambition, greed, and sex. Gotcha’ didn’t I? That 3 letter word gets everyone’s attention rather fast. I’m just sitting here in my cube trying to make myself work. Thinking that there must be thousands of these things.Had the darndest time convincing myself this weekend that I should be happy, could be happy about something major in my life.. The Greek dilemma where hubris before a fall, kinda roams around in the back of my head. I’m about to go thru a gluttony of consumerism and spending. I’m building a house. Not just an average house, but something extravagant for a person with no kids and only a SO. I’m having to deal with all kinds of strange conversations on the topic. What gives with people feeling they not only have the right to question you but then turn around and tell you it’s for your own good?? chuckle…
Ciao
Thoughts of an Old Fart 