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Ah to shout in the wilderness and never be heard. Pretty much sums up my life lately. Get up go to work. Work. Work. Work. Come home and get something to eat for us. Get ready for work. Go to sleep. Do it all over again. Not really a bad life. I should be grateful. We have our health. We have jobs. blah blah blah… But after a while it just all makes me very tired.
Guess I’m depressed. Tired to the soul. No excitement. No passion. But I think that’s the fate of every middle aged matron. To be invisible. To hold the world up with the help of the other invisible worker bees. The sad part is I just don’t have the energy to make a change. It would have to be a major leave-them-standing-run-away change for anything to matter. All the little things have added up. They all sound trivial in the midst of the economy, 9/11, war, flooding etc.
I’d like to watch tv with a clear picture and uninterrupted sound. I’d like my SO to cook me a meal instead of saying, “I’ll just have whatever you are having”. I’d like to be noticed, like when over 6″ of hair is cut off and I am suddenly all curly, for someone to notice and say “You got your hair cut”. Silly things.
I’m pretty much a worker bee. No hope of promotions. No hope of anyone noticing and saying hey we need to recognize her for the work she does. You are in charge of your own destiny. Bah. You get to make decisions with what you are presented with. Not suddenly say “hey, I’m a princess and give me a million dollars”. Or for that matter understand the proper use of quotes.
So many promises never met or meant.
Ciao
Seems somewhere in here, my blog was confused with another copyrighted something or other. Imagine my consternation when I finally got back to my blog only to be told I had violated something and it was now blocked. Good luck getting anything back either. Humph and have a nice flippin’ day.
Off I shot emails after trying to figure out what I had done. No one could say that I had much to say in my blog and just cause I hadn’t posted in a while, what was up…. But the admin peeps couldn’t have been nicer. One email and a response and shazaam it was all back… No idea what I might have infringed upon, but hey it was a relief to be back.
Ciao for now
Christmas around my house is not always the most fulfilling holiday. Gifts are not thought thru. Often half-assed snippets heard influence gift giving. Things like “it would be great to have a second mixing bowl for the etc etc etc” gets interpreted to “give her a second frying pan”… hmm… that wasn’t the point but maybe a “C” for effort. Often pleas of “I really really don’t want anything for Christmas” are ignored as “oh she really didn’t mean that and I’ll get her something I like”. I shouldn’t complain. I mean he does try hard but just not hard enough.
Spent the day returning stuff. At least, I can now get him to give me the receipts and not pout for a week. The Mall was madness. I took me 45 minutes to find a parking space. Then another 15 minutes to find my way out to the store. Walking through the store reminded me that I was just not dressed appropriately for this store, this mall, this life… The return was painless. 5 minutes in line and shazam, money back in the bank.
Now tomorrow will be the return of yet another half-assed idea gift. Something I already own one of and got a second one. Do you think you could have at least looked on the book shelf? Sigh.. The joys of Christmas after.
Ciao
Isn’t it funny how the littlest things can trigger a memory? Sitting here sipping soda over crushed ice in one of those metallic cups from old. The frost popping instantly. The coldness shimmering off the sides. The chill running through my teeth.
It reminds me of days spent outside running around during summer vacation. Coming inside all hot and sweaty. The coke tasting exquisitely cold and wonderful sipping from the metal cup.
Ah summer where have you gone?
Ciao
It’s a been a long time since I posted. There just hasn’t been anything to post about. No earth shattering news. Just the stuff that haunts everyone. Like job worries and money fears. At the moment, all unfounded.
I’m beginning to worry a little about the complete lack of excitement in my life. Should I be? Or is just thinking about it mean I’m worried about it. Every time my friends ask “So what’s new?” all I have to say is “nothing”. Pretty discouraging. I almost feel like I should have something canned. Maybe I should say something about the lampshade exploding one night or the glass shattering on the pinball machine. Or how every time my SO isn’t here the house tries to scare the bee-jesus out of me. But all this stuff is just pretty mindless and normal.
But thank god for normal. My lead excitement for the day is the hawk that just flew past my window screeching at the top of its lungs.
I have no deaths to report on. Hmm only if you count harddrives or lamp shades…
Cia0
Thoughts of an Old Fart 