Category Archive

Sometimes just letting go is a relief. Too many margaritas lead to pleasant thoughts. Just got off a zoom session with long standing old friends. We’ve started this weekly zoom session where we just natter. No agenda. No politics. Just chatter. We drink. We talk. We have a session where paying attention isn’t really required. Just let the chatter wash over you. It’s like being in a room where people are talking and you just listen with your hind brain. It’s very soothing. And since alcohol is involved, its even more soothing.

I miss those nonsensical conversations. But virtual almost fills the gap. I hope that after all the madness is done, we will keep this weekly session of inanity going.

Crazy world that it is, its the little things that matter. Like a garage mechanic that cares. Or a restuarant that understands what curb-side contactless delivery is. Or friends on zoom. Or hummingbirds. Or noisy chitterers in our chimney. Or a family of foxes playing in the backyard. Or discovering what beers you like. Or the best coffee cake recipe to go with the morning tea. Or being stuck in the house and realizing you actually do get along with your spouse…

Life is a little wacky right now and the worry is still there for everyone I know, to remain happy, whole, and healthy.

Stay safe out there.

Its not the pain, its more the remembrance of the pain that has dogged my steps.

You do alot of things to distract yourself. Things are not that grand right now. I find myself cleaning the house. Getting things out just to put them away. Escaping through reading. Thinking about starting projects. Making lists….

You take pills cause the doctor prescribed them. Can you stop taking them? Are they for the rest of your life?

Too many people around me now have cancer. The people that I set my hopes on. The ones that, if they made it to Cancer Free Island, then I will too. And now new ones. Am I just of an age?

I started making chemo blankets. Happily thinking, make a bunch, in hopes that I will never have to pass them out. Jinx.

Got the call last night that one of my beloved Aunts was just diagnosed. She’s in a good place about it. Early caught due to a 3D mammogram (do people still get the old kind? Make sure you argue with your doctor on that one). Very curable. Very small. No lymph node involvement.

Two weeks ago, my “sister” friend, let me know she has a virulent kind now, that has nothing to do with the previous one. Her outlook is guarded. Surgery was not nice and now the long road to recovery has begun, chemo, and possibly radiation. A bunch of very hard decisions for her and her family.

A month ago, my magical pinball fixer buddy, was diagnosed with colon cancer. Bad news. Bad outlook. Its migrated to his liver and he’s got a severe iron deficiency. Ironically, he’s feeling better than he has in three years, due to the iron infusions. Outlook grim. Chemo right now in hopes to shrink, surgery, more chemo…

And right around Christmas, my friend’s daughter got the news that her leukemia is back. Prognosis is great. She’s got the spirit and the youth to fight. The double-whammy for me is that every time I wanted to grouse, I would think of her and just get over it and on with it.

It’s got me all a bit overwhelmed.

Well the active part of the war is done. On to the cold war portion of the program. No more radiation treatments or chemo. Now its just the 5 year plan. Daily Hormone pills and unknown side affects.

I think the hardest thing is to realize that somehow, while plodding thru this fight, the world has moved on without me. I lost my job in the middle of this and now looking around at the world, I realize that after 15 years, no one has come looking. The great fade. We all do it. A friend drops off the radar and your busy life takes over. No blame. Just not relevant in the forward thinking, rush of your life.

But it’s not easy realizing that you are no longer needed.