“Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen.” John le Carre, “The Chancellor Who Agreed To Play Spy”, The New York Times, May 8, 1974

I spent the last two days hurtling across the US behind the wheel of a SUV.  When I saw this quote, it crystallized the feelings I had been experiencing.  Others will never see my worlds.  We all are alone in our own space so often that when others bump off of us, it’s a rude awakening.  Racing thru the night like a bullet, with only the light of the dash and random songs from the radio as my companion, left me out of sync.

Ciao

Yesterday was a good day. Picked up art work.  It’s always cool how framing a poster makes it looks so wonderful.  Then off to a pinball party.  Crazy people.  Wonderful hostess and home.  Strange conversations.  Things lost in the trees.  Boy do I wish I had a camera for that one.  Penn State fans.  Weird food from all the cities mentioned in the game “Road Show”.  Board games.  Pinball machines.  Anger.  Yelling.  Swearing.  Door slamming.  Then back to partying.  Poker playing.  Took a nap while they played…  Drove home.  Too many deer.  Too many critters…  All safe back home.

But now, it’s the Sunday Blues.   Gota’ go back to work.  Hate my job.  Anxious of being shown up or passed by or just seen as old and inflexible.   Sigh…

Ciao

Ah to shout in the wilderness and never be heard.  Pretty much sums up my life lately.  Get up go to work.  Work. Work. Work.  Come home and get something to eat for us.  Get ready for work.  Go to sleep. Do it all over again.  Not really a bad life.  I should be grateful.  We have our health.  We have jobs.  blah blah blah…  But after a while it just all makes me very tired.

Guess I’m depressed.  Tired to the soul.  No excitement.  No passion.  But I think that’s the fate of every middle aged matron.  To be invisible.  To hold the world up with the help of the other invisible worker bees.  The sad part is I just don’t have the energy to make a change.  It would have to be a major leave-them-standing-run-away change for anything to matter.  All the little things have added up.  They all sound trivial in the midst of the economy, 9/11, war, flooding etc.

I’d like to watch tv with a clear picture and uninterrupted sound.  I’d like my SO to cook me a meal instead of saying, “I’ll just have whatever you are having”.  I’d like to be noticed, like when over 6″ of hair is cut off and I am suddenly all curly, for someone to notice and say “You got your hair cut”.  Silly things.

I’m pretty much a worker bee.  No hope of promotions.  No hope of anyone noticing and saying hey we need to recognize her for the work she does.  You are in charge of your own destiny.  Bah.  You get to make decisions with what you are presented with.  Not suddenly say “hey, I’m a princess and give me a million dollars”.   Or for that matter understand the proper use of quotes.

So many promises never met or meant.

Ciao

What is it with people?  Don’t they realize that if you are going to discuss your kids, call your credit card company, or yell at your wife that your cube neighbors might not like it? Or, hey here’s a strange concept:  YOU ARE AT WORK.

The Yeller.  He constantly yells at his computer expecting it to behave.  Unnerving in the way his voice is psycho creepy.  It makes you think about firearms and people bearing grudges.

The Farter.  Yes, Green Cloud Computing at its best.  We used to think it was the sewer pipes acting up again.  Emails would circulate about the smell and Building Management would investigate.  Then one day, we figured it out.  It was the Farter.

The Loud Talker delights in letting everyone know his business.  Yells at the wife.  Tells the HVAC guys how to do their jobs.  Talks to his accountant about his other business.  Let’s everyone know he knows better.  Brews endless cups of coffee on his little coffee brewer (pew).  He is one important dude in his own mind.

Sigh… And I worry about the little peeps my computer makes.

Putting the headphones on and cranking to tunes just to survive.

Ciao

Seems somewhere in here, my blog was confused with another copyrighted something or other.  Imagine my consternation when I finally got back to my blog only to be told I had violated something and it was now blocked.  Good luck getting anything back either.   Humph and have a nice flippin’ day.

Off I shot emails after trying to figure out what I had done.  No one could say that I had much to say in my blog and just cause I hadn’t posted in a while, what was up….  But the admin peeps couldn’t have been nicer.  One email and a response and shazaam it was all back…  No idea what I might have infringed upon, but hey it was a relief to be back.

Ciao for now

December 2025
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