How dare She!

September 14, 2007 in Complaints | Leave a comment

Why do people feel they have the right to invite you and guilt you into those silly parties?  The one’s that we all get trapped into attending.  The one we all get guilted into buying poorly made, over priced junk at.

How dare she!  She hasn’t spoken to me in years, but is salivating at the idea I might increase her monetary worth in life, because polite society doesn’t give you an out to say no.

Well, I’m saying no.  No way. Uh uh.  Get lost.  I’m treating it as junk mail and not responding.  Phooey on all those little pyramid schemes.  And you know who you are. Humph.

Ciao

Generation Gap

August 29, 2007 in Complaints, Life, Thoughts | Leave a comment

It’s the little things that make me feel old.  I know I’m not hip.  I don’t know if I ever was.  But I’ve come to the conclusion that you can spot my un-hipness a mile away.  It’s in the way I talk.  Its in the way I don’t wear my messenger bag across my body, but off my shoulder.  It’s my shoes.  My lack of hoodies.  My lack of hits on a Google search.  My wondering just what the hell she was thinking putting that on the web, not spreading my innermost thoughts across MySpace.  Wondering if that tattoo not only hurts, but what the hell is it and why would you get it pierced to boot.

My generation didn’t grow up with computers.  Hell, I helped my friend test out his brand new ISP BEFORE it was called ISP. Back in the dark days of mainframes and dial-up.  Today’s generation doesn’t even know what noise a modem makes…

Oh well this old fart, needs her beauty sleep.  It’s tiring being un-cool and un-hip.  🙂

Ciao

Scary Gadgetry

August 25, 2007 in Emotions, Happy Joy Joy, Life | Leave a comment

For some reason I decided to take a class locally.  Well, local in the sense that it would only be 5+ hours of driving time.  But hey, it was going to be an “adventure”.  At least that’s what I kept telling myself.  Maybe I shouldn’t have tempted the gods or maybe I should have just flown to Las Vegas.  The class was to be a boot camp of 6 full days (9-7 pm).  I must have been crazy!

My friend from work heard about the journey and loaned me his GPS Navigator thinger.  After a few lessons, he drove off confident that I wouldn’t break his toy.  I was a little nervous about using the darn thing.  The last thing I wanted to do was break it or have it stolen.  But I was going on an “adventure” and it would be just like having my SO with me to navigate.

Well, for the first 100 miles the poor little device was constantly telling me it had to recalculate, cause I just wasn’t going the way it thought I should.  Once I crossed over the big-ass bridge, it finally got its act together and started talking nicely to me.

There was this little scary moment when the thing ran out of juice and I plugged in the charger.  Seems whoever had the charger last hadn’t treated it with loving care and the darn thing fell apart (more like exploded) in the cigarette lighter.  I pulled off the road and started pulling pieces of the charger out from the socket.  Praying I wouldn’t somehow electrocute myself.

I pull back out and as I’m sailing back down the road, I noticed I have no tunes, no books on CD, no clock, no dash lights, no radio, no noise, no charger… Nothing…. You have to understand, I could get along without the GPS Navigator thinger, but I could not survive (and many others might not) without my Books-On-Tape.  Things would get very ugly, very fast.

I grabbed my owners manual from the glove compartment, found a grocery store parking lot, and pulled in for some repairs.  Seems in order to get the spare fuses, I’d have to pop the hood, poke around in the very, very hot engine compartment and find this very little tiny fuse remover tool.  Then go back under the dash and find the offending fuse.  I did it.  I found it and got it replaced.  Lights, noise, clock, radio, charger, everything worked again.  EXCEPT for the Navigator thinger.

Talk about a rollercoaster.  I’m sitting there with sweat dripping off my nose and the damn thing won’t work.  I tried every button, every plug, even tested with my phone charger.  I’m thinking how to break it to my friend that I busted his toy. 

Okay, once more through all the plugs.  Still no joy.  Resigned, I start to take everything apart to put it away and I noticed a little button on the back under the clamp piece I just popped off.  I get a pen out, poke it, and the darn thing fired right up.  Seems somewhere in all the power plugging, battery running out, and fuse blowing, the puppy lost it’s mind.  Hitting the hard reset button made it come back.  Crisis averted.

Back on the road, with it once more happily telling me what to do, I made it to my destination.

Gota’ love that gadget stuff…

Ciao

Reality

June 22, 2007 in Life | Leave a comment

I realized the other day coming off the elevator that the following is true:

  1. I will never be a skinny 20 something
  2. I will never be a fashion diva
  3. I will never like shopping for clothes
  4. I will never be young again
  5. I will never win the Lotto
  6. I will never have a sexy svelte husband
  7. I will never have to worry about anorexia

I’m just me.  A “large” woman who shops at outlet stores and buys nighties at “Big Dogs”. 

Ciao

Shredding Mom’s Papers

May 5, 2007 in Emotions, Fear-n-Loathing, Gloom, Life, Thoughts | Leave a comment

Shredding my mom’s papers.  There are still bad feelings from the relatives some 8 years later after my mom died.  They hate me for “slapping her in a nursing home and just watching her die”.  They forced their way into her funeral arrangements.  They demanded that I go against my mom’s wishes for disposal of her remains.  I wasn’t torn up enough. I just didn’t meet their expectations of what a grieving daughter should act and be like.  What a bunch of hypocrites. 

She had cancer.  She couldn’t take care of herself.  My sister was several states away.  I had to make a choice.  I often wonder if she thought she was in purgatory or some hell that she couldn’t escape those last few months.  The cancer had gone to her brain and through some strange quirk, she outlived her hospice care.  She was delusional, in great pain, heavily medicated, incontinent, and dying by inches.

My sister told me a few years later Mom would call and ask what she had done to me to deserve this.  I wonder at my sister’s motives for telling me this so many years later.  It wasn’t like she was ever around for the hard decisions.  Maybe guilt? Anger?

The relatives all wanted me to do something.  To be there for my mother.  They still to this day, think badly of me, because I didn’t have that lovely relationship they all wished we had. I didn’t seem to have the right reactions.  Before Mom went into the nursing home, each aunt would schedule time, connive to get us isolated together somewhere, so we could ‘just work it out’ because they knew that we were just too stubborn for our own good.  My mother abused me.  They never knew.  Little did they realize that I had already made my own way and peace with it.

There is no law that says you must like your parents. I believe self-preservation is a must.  Why do we follow our instincts with anyone else but family?  Why do you all let the ones that raised you treat you like dirt?  Sometimes the only way to stop the bleeding and heal, is to cut them off.  If that means you move on and detach from the situation, then do it.  If it means not allowing yourself to play into the emotional blackmail, then do it.  Do what you have to do to be right with yourself.

So now that the papers are shredded and the last physical vestiges of my mother are shredded, I still wonder if anyone will understand?

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